Question by Colby N: i have been trying to write a story and i need some feedback?
this is what i have so far:
Xia was a continent of pure green forests, untouched by landscaping or factories. They had pure clear lakes. The people were kind to one and other. They used flying machines that had no electricity. They were just a pole with handles and a propeller, when they ran with the devices the, propeller got faster until they where lifted off the ground. The continent was in the Sevantium Sea. There was also one girl who was about to start the adventure of a lifetime.
At age thirteen Carrisa was very mature for her age. As she was walking through the woods one evening she spotted something. It was a small piece of gold, which was strange to see. Gold was of the rarest metals in Xia. It usually had to be imported overseas. Suddenly she heard the ground shake. Then, Carrisa the fell through a hole in the ground. Then, shortly after, she blacked out.
When she awoke, she was in a place she hadn’t been before. It appeared to be a shrine of some sort. On the polished plaque there was strange writing that she didn’t recognize it looked something like this.
??????????????????????????????s. That writing gave her a strange feeling inside. She felt that she shouldn’t be there. She saw the hole that she came through and left right away.
As soon as she got home she couldn’t wait to tell about what happened. Her father said that it was about time he told her the terrible truth. As is turned out there was a terrible beast in the land 100 years ago. It was made of pure darkness. Then one day a great hero came to face the beast. He drew his sword and prepared for battle. The swordsman knew he could not defeat the beast with brute force so he made a spell. He bound the beasts soul in a cavern, and sealed it up. That meant Carrisa broke the seal and unleashed the beast!
The fact that Carrisa unleashed a beast of pure darkness crept her out. She knew she would have to do something about it, but what?? She was just a girl. How could she save the world from evil. For one she was shy. Second of all she wasn’t that strong, and she didn’t know magic. This was one that she would have to think about.
The next morning she decided to take a walk to take her mind off of unleashing a beast that has the potential off destroying the world and all of existence. It didn’t seem to help much.
Then, she heard a noise. It sounded like somebody breathing heavily. She also heard movement. The footsteps where to light to be animal. That must only mean one thing, it must be an elf . They where well known for their magic and sorcery. And sure enough that elf popped out of the bushes. Elves where as tall as humans but they’re so full of magic that it make them lighter. It said to Carrisa that it knew what her problem was and could help her. Carrisa had a funny feeling about this.
The elf handed her a large staff with a glowing blue orb in it. It had strange writing on it that glowed purple when she held the staff.
She could tell this was an old artifact by the writing on it. The staff must have been from one of the Seven Great Wars of Ivantium.
The wood felt cold on her hands. The elf said that this staff was filled with the magic that was put in it by the warrior that sealed the magical beast in the first place. The elf had silvery gray hair and shiny silver eyes. He was taller than Carrisa , but he was shorter than a adult human.
Carrisa a asked him his name. He hesitated but he finally told her his name, Tavaris.
She knew that she had heard that name somewhere but she couldn’t pinpoint where. All she knew was that his name sounded Ivantian. The elf beckoned her to follow him and he showed her to a small shack deep in the east Xian forest. Inside he showed her a very old book. It was a story of a woman named mercury. The woman who many years ago led the Ivantians to victory. The story also told of the twisted rage that sadly overcame her. The one thing about her that stood out though was her glowing twin swords.
Tavaris then told her that the only way to defeat the beast was to somehow retrieve those swords and use them against the beast.
Carrisa asked how this was possible. Then Tavaris said “We’re going to Ivantium”.

Later that night Carrisa wrote a note to her parents explaining everything. The beast, the elf and the journey that she was about to depart on. Writing that note was the hardest thing she had to do. She knew she would be back after she retrieved the swords and defeat the beast. After she left she met up with Tavaris and they were about to cross the two seas that separated the two countries of Xia and Ivantium. They were going to get to Ivantium by the Xian flying machines. They then started running faster and faster, until they were off the ground.
After about thirty minutes all they could see were the seas of Sevantium and Sky.
After about five hours they could see land in the distance.

Best answer:

Answer by Muse
remember, you have to stretch this stuff to fit a novel. there needs to be a lead up, more of a climax, what with the releasing of the creature, and then some more time drawn out. lengthen it with dialogue and personal thought from Carrisa.

other than that, it’s got potential. i like your idea, i really do!

Mine? maybe you have some input? thanks

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=A0WTZX5y1JZLSRkAygQazKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20100309145424AANI9su

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Question by Arnulfo: I need help on some workout techniques and if my workout is 6 pack bound?
My workouts have been pretty brutal lol. I sprint 1 mile and a quarter and then jog 1 mile and a quarter. I lift 30 pounds on my chest arm machine 20 times, then 25 pounds 25 times, and finally 20 pounds 30 times. I do this again with my arms outward in working out my chest the same amount of times, and pulling down on the machine to work out my back muscles and chest. I lift 15 pounds of the arm curl to build front, back, and shoulder muscle, and I do this until I get tired. Then, I do 10 diamond push ups, 10 back lift ups, and 5 pull ups, 5 times like the military except the last 2 times I finish with back pull ups. Last but not least, I do 200 sit ups, and then I put a stick on my back long enough for me to get a handle of both hands on it, and I do side works, all in all its about two hours. My question is can I get a six pack with all these work outs? Oh yea and I’m 5′7, 163 pounds, 19 years old. To add, I eat fruits every day drink lots of water, milk before I sleep, and eat some fatty foods but not lots. Enough info? OK I thought so, thanks for reading this.
umm i dnt know buddy, sounds kinda gay

Best answer:

Answer by onomatopoeia
You’re putting quantity over quality.

You can’t sprint a mile and a quarter. That’s not sprinting: it’s jogging. If you really sprinted, you should be huffing and puffing after a quarter a mile, max. So maybe start by changing your running to sprinting a quarter a mile, then (slow) jogging a mile and a quarter, and then sprinting another quarter a mile. Trust me on this, I was on the track team.

Also, doing stuff until you’re tired isn’t going to help you build muscles. You need enough weight to challenge your muscles.

Here’s a short lesson on muscles. Your muscles are like employees hired by your body. Making them do the same (easy) thing over, and over, and over is just going to bore them. You need something which shocks them, and makes them say, “Holy sh*t, I have to get stronger.” That’s how muscles get bigger and harder.

Skip the machines, also. With your current strength there are plenty of variations of pushups which are better. Try doing 5-10 sets of 10 diamond pushups, with a minute between each set. (Do 10, rest a minute, do another 10, etc.) Much better than that crap chest workout you’re doing right now.

Also, with pullups, there are certain things you can do to increase the intensity. Lower yourself slowly until your arms lock out. Then, without jerking your body, using only your biceps and back muscles, you pull up until your chest touches the bar, or at least as high as you can. It’s hard at first, but you’ll get used to it.
And instead of grabbing with your entire hand, grabbing with only your fingers part (like an ape would) can build your forearms like crazy.

As for your ab exercises. Look up leg raises. And when you do sit ups, don’t let anything hold onto your feet, don’t let your butt leave the floor, and don’t help yourself with your arms or hands.

And you might be surprised that yoga can be very intense. Before you dismiss it as a girl’s thing, listen up. A little background about myself. I am currently in my campus judo team. I took taekwondo for three years, and developed some of my own techniques based on research on muay thai, various forms of kung fu, boxing, etc. I was in a civilian auxiliary of the US Air Force, and was legendary in my squadron for doing pushups without end, and just beasting the physical tests in general.
Why am I saying all this? Today I took my first yoga class, and it was much harder than I thought. And my English teacher (she brought her grad students and me to the class) said, “This is just very basic. It gets really intense.”
So the point is, if someone like me finds Bikram Yoga to be humbling, you might want to at least give it a try. And you’ll meet lots of girls *wink wink.*

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Question by Tammy -: Need help with writing a letter to a group of day care parents?
This is a long story but I will try and keep it short and simple. Some background first. I was working at a daycare for almost 5 years, I watched my boss fire many employees and treat them well not very well. I thought we had a good relationship though and we worked well together. We had two levels; she had the license for level 1 I had the license for level 2. I was supervisor and for a short while when my boss decided that she wanted to try her feet at something else I ran the daycare without her. Recently we downsized to where it only took two people to run the day care. This meant that neither one of us could be sick or gone without it inconveniencing the families. Well this past October my Mother In Law was diagnosed with Cancer and was scheduled for surgery. Of course I wanted to be there with the family and my husband so I took time off. This put my boss in a bind, she had to call families and tell them to find alternate care for two days. When I got back from out of state there was a message on my answering machine that I was taken off the schedule. That there was an accusation made on me that I hit a child. Well first of all that is not true, and I have been clear of it. Here is what I am doing now, I want to write a letter to all the parents of the kids that I took care of and let them know the outcome of the investigation as I know my X Boss will not inform them. And I don’t want them to think the accusation was true. I also don’t want to slander my boss so here is the part I am unsure of. Can you look it over and let me know if it is slanderous or if this can be said in a better way. Thanks in advance

I do not agree with the way J??? chose to handle this situation. I feel hurt and betrayed. The way she handled it and treated me was in my opinion a greedy move. J??? informed me that the reason she let me go was because if other parents got wind of the investigation that they would pull their kids out of the day care. I did not agree, I felt that she was treating me guilty without any facts or proof. I feared that my reputation was ruined no matter the outcome of the investigation. For those reasons decided that I would not be able to return to __________ day care. This was a hard decision for me as I will truly miss all the children, all the laughs, all the hugs, and yes even all the squabbles that come with taking care of several different children at once. During my time away from the day care I have come to realize that my services were not appreciated by J??? . I was not worried about the investigation at all since I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong and I trusted the team at Child Protection Services to find the truth.

Paula, I understand what your saying and agree for the most part. However the parents do know of the accusation as I have received phone calls at home from three parents. Also the social worker that works with the day cares in our area agrees that a letter like this (there is more than what I posted) is appropriate.

If I wouldnt have received those phone calls at home, then I probably wouldnt be thinking of a letter.

Best answer:

Answer by Graham H
The only thing really wrong with it is the word greedy which is not the correct word in that context. I think what you are trying to say is either that it was a selfish move or an unreasonable move or a deceitful move or a dishonest move.

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Question by CLASS OF 2011: POETRY LOVERS, I NEED INTERPRETATION OF THE POEM “BETWEEN THE WORLD AND ME”?
THIS POEM IS WRITTEN BY RICAHARD WRIGHT. All I need is someone to interpret the poem and/or answer the questions in full depth. THANKS.

And one morning while in the woods I stumbled
suddenly upon the thing,… Now I am dry bones and my face a stony skull staring in
yellow surprise at the sun… http://edhelper.com/poetry/Between_the_World_and_Me_by_Richard_Wright.htm

1.In the course of the passage, the speaker moves from detached observation to
A. vicarious suffering
B. callous indifference
C. terrified flight
D. solemn resignation
E. stubborn denial

2. The speaker’s description of the gruesome site in lines 1-2 suggests that the site had been
A. totally obscured by vegetation
B. accidentally preserved by nature
C. formally designated by an historic marker
D. recently concealed by the perpetrators of the violence

3. In the poem the charred stump of the sapling may be said to do all of the following EXCEPT
A. provide enduring evidence of the machine crime
B. reproach the divine for human wickedness
C. contrast with the otherwise idyllic setting
D. guard the entrance to the clearing

4. In delinating the scene of the ghastly event, the speaker makes the LEAST use of
A. the clothing of the deceased
B. the personal items discarded by the vigilantes
C. the ashen remnants of the fire
D. the skeletal remains of the deceased
E. the location of the incident

5. The incident at the site seems so recent that the speaker claims he can still detect the smell of
A. cigarettes
B. perfume
C. tar
D. gasoline
E. liquor

7. In the second stanza (lines 4-17), the poet personifies all
of the following EXCEPT
A. the skeleton of the deceased
B. the burnt sapling
C. the ropes that had bound the deceased
D. the night wind and the darkness
E. the killing ground itself

8. In effecting his imaginative transformation from belated witness to actual victim, the speaker relies primarily upon images of
A. sight
B. sound
C. smell
D. feeling
E. taste

9. At the end of the second stanza(line 17), the speaker emphasizes his helpless position by means of
A. hyperbole
B. metonymy
C. personification
D. irony
E. allusion.

10. The extraordinary realism of the final stanza (lines 18-25) is achieved primarily through the use of
A. purely chronological development
B. the simile comparing the flames to a boiling kettle
C. the contrast between the victim’s black skin and the white feathers
D. enjambment that accelerates the stanza’s rhythm
E. participles and verbs that intensify the speaker’s desperate agony

Best answer:

Answer by libby l
Are you SURE that’s all?

The least you could do is give us the complete poem here! Forget using links.

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Question by Sweet angel: What do you think Of my Story? I need Your opinions Please….!!?
My name is Chritopher Gardner. I am rich,a millionaire. In my brokerage firm, I have recently sold a minority share in a multimilion dollars deal. To become what I am now, I had to go through many difficult stages.
Stages Of my life that I have never forgotten and I shall never forget, because they are deeply carved in my memory.
It all began when I attainted manhood and my mother introduced me to a man who,she said, was my father.
How could that man be so, as he had never lived with us?!
All I remember about my childhood was that my mother had always been working and struggling to make a living and preserve my safety and stablity.
She was determined to raise my social status as an American citizen.
Sometimes, I asked her why I did not have a father like all other children; but she never accepted to speak tht thruth.
However,shortly after I had met my father for the first time, she told me eerything.
She said that my father had deserted us because he had been jobless; and when he had reached a state utter despair to provide for us , he had decided to leave us behind.
At that very moment, I decided to obliterate mypast as a desrted child and made up my mond that if I had children, I would givethem a safe and prosperous life. That was the first Part of my life.
The second part began when linda and I got married.
Ayear afterwards, we had our son, Christopher.
We all lived in San Fransisco and our life was rather peaceful. In 1981, I invested our entire lefe saving in buying a new medical device.
That was a portable bone-density scanners, a revolutionary machine which, I had throught, would give us too much money and would make us lead aa better life.
I bought many scanners of which I had to sell at least two per a month for the rent, the living necessities and our son’s day care.
Unfortunately, doctors and hospitals considered that scanner as unnecessary and expensive luxury.
Besides that device gave a slightly denser picture than an x-ray the price; the reason why I could not sell all my scanners easily.
So, I could not pay tje tax-bills, I could not pay the months of rent we owed and I could not even pay off all of those tickets under my windshield wiper.
For my taxes, I had to fike extra extensions; which meant more interests and penalties.
Every evening, when i was back home, Linda and I had bitter quarrels over that.
I usually begged her to relax and trust me.
I even promised her to find a job so as to overcome our hardships.
But she didn’t care, and said that she was no longer happy with me.
One day, as I was walking along the streets with my scanner in my hand, to do my daily sales calls, I came across a friend of mine.
He was well-off and had a brand new Ferrari.
I asked him what he did and how he did to have all that; he said that he was stockbroker.
Tomy delight, he said that one needed to be good with numbers and good with people.
I still remember I couldn’t sleep that night as I couldn’t help thinking of that job, a stockbroker!
Why not me?! I felt that I had the right abilities and the strong will necessary to succeed in that career.
The morning after, while Linda and I were getting ready to go out, i Told her about that promissing job.
She simply laughed at me and ironically asked if I would not bean astronaut.
I didn’t care about her and I filled an application form for an internship.
I went to Dean Witter Reynolds firm to drop my application off personally and to make acquaintance with the Witter Resource head, Jay wistle.
In fact, I wanted to show him thar I was good with numbers and good with people, but at that moment he was bound to take a taxi .
Deliberately I shared the same taxi with him.
While i was telling him about my intersts and abilities, Jay Wistle was handling a puzzle cube which was called the gift sensation of 1981.
He was twisting and turning the cube to get the same color on each side, but unsuccessfully I asked him to let me try, but he said that I would not do it because nobody had done it before.
You can’t imagine how astonished he was when I put the cube right on every side; and in no time at all.
I am sure, I succeeded to convince him of my intelligence.
When I got back home, was disappointed as I found out that my wife had taken all her things and had left home.
What made me more furious was that she had taken Christopher with her.
In in deed, I was at aloss,but i decided to get my son back as soon as possible. While i was thinking about that, the telephone rang. It was Jay wistle from dean witter who asked me to be in the firm as quickly as possible to sit for an interview.
The following day, a series of misfortunes coincided to ovrerturn my life. After I had got christopher back, I wore some shabby clothes and began painting my apartment while I was doing that,the land lord knock at the door to tell me that I did not pay for the four months of rent I owed, he would kick me out. Shortly afterwards, two policemen came and arrested me for failure to pay off the parking tickets. I had to spend the night at the police station because they did not believe me when I gave them a check with the sun of money I owned,they said they had to give a call to linda to take care of christopher. The following morning, just as they had done their verification, I left the police station .
It was exactly quarter to ten, and I had to run all the way to Dean Witter where I had to take an Interview at quarter past ten, of course all in m shabby clothes full of paint.
To convince the interviewers of the reason why I was dressed like that I spoke, nothing but the thruth.
They laugheda bit, but they admired my frankness, earnestness and diligence.
I was accepted as a trainee and they gave me a sheet where all the program was explained.
In fact the program took every six mouths, and only one intern was hired at the end of the program from a pool of twenty.
However, if you weren’t that lucky one, you could not even apply for the six mouths training to another brokerage.
Although they didn’t give salaries to trainees, I was firmly determined to go ahead, as I had developped a strong ambition about that career.
The only resource I had for the six months were my six scanners ,which I still tried to sell.
Meanwhile, my son and I moved to a motel because I could not pay for the rent.
I also had to look after my christopher since the moment his mother had left us and had gone to New york to seek a better life.
At dean Witter, we were twenty interns we were asked to call the maximum of companies and convince them to be potential clients.
We had to use all our abilities to familiarize them with our packages .
We had to match their needs and goals to one of firm’s many financial plans.
In other words as the number of calls increases, the number of dollars in the firm’s pocket also increases.
So, who ever brought in the most money after six mouths was usually hired .
All the interns worked till seven , but I had to leave at four to pck up Christopher .
So, I ha to do in six hours what they had to do in nine.
In order not to waste any time I was not hanging up the phone inn between calls and I realized that by doing that I gained another ten minutes a day.
Besides, I didn’t drink any water so I didn’t waste anytime in the bathroom.
During four months, every thing seemed to go as we wished.
Everyday, I took Christopher to the daycare before I went tomy internship.
At four, I picked him up and we both did our daily sales calls of the scanners till we sold them all.
Sometimes, I took Christopher to play basketball, and all the time I gave him such advices as one should have a strong will and should struggle to achieve one’s goal in life.
Actually, we were happy as father and son.
As I had said before, everything seemed to go fine till one day, that day when a letter brought me back to earth.
It was about taxes I had to pay, and if I didn’t pay them the governement would stick their hands into my bank account and take all my money.
What a disaster! The governement took all the money that I had.
I still remember That day, there was only twenty one dollars and thirty tree cents left in my bank account, Iwas completly broke.
Consequencly, I was unable to pay for the motel, so we had to leave it and we became homless.
Christopher and I were once forced to spend a night in a public bathroom. We tried other places such as Glide Memorial, a church where we had to share a dormitory with hundreds of homless persons.
So,I learned to finish my work quickly if I wanted to find a spot at glide where to spend the night.
I even went to a blood center and sold my blood for twenty six dollars.
I bought a light bulb which was needed to repair the scanner I had once lost and luckily found with tramp who took it for a time machine.
I sold the scanner for two hundred and fifty dollars which meant four weeks of oxygen.
We spent that night at a hotel instead of going back to the church place.
Two days afterwards, while I was working as usual, I was called to the chairman’s office.
There he announced the most exciting news I had ever heard in my life: I was the one they had chosen for the job.
Yes, I was the who had it.
I shall never forget that moment when I burst into tears, tears Of happiness I had been pursuing for a long time.
My life began to change positively since the moment I took that job.
During all the years I was working in Dean Witter, I was devoting my income to the upkeep and improvement of my career.
In 1987, I founded the investment firm Gardner Rich, My own brokeragefirm where my winning are now exceeding millions of dollars.

Best answer:

Answer by >superboyz<
your story so……boring!!you need more creativity to make it interesting…too long….who wants read…sorry!!

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